As the psychologist explains Yana LeikinaEvery woman wants to be unique and inimitable, but paradoxically, she confirms her uniqueness by comparing herself with other ladies. "Perhaps the competition is inherent in us at the level of genetic memory of polygamy, which was once considered the norm," - said the expert.
So the desire to look into the past relationship of a loved one is a completely natural thing. Another question is that it should be done within reasonable limits. If you are day and night studying the profile of the former boyfriend's passport in the social network or constantly torment him with questions, then this is a significant cause for concern.
“Let's be honest: in a relationship where mutual understanding prevails, such a need simply does not arise. The desire to become a detective is a signal that your relationship requires serious analysis and work, ”says Marina Muravyova, a psychologist, a specialist in overcoming a crisis in relations and the author of the project INTEMO.
Experts identify several reasons that kindle an unhealthy interest in the former in us.
The desire to add to the relationship "light"
If everything is smooth and smooth in a couple, then some women start to get bored and provoke themselves to jealousy in search of bright experiences. And the former is an ideal object for these feelings: safe and annoying at the same time. “By such behavior, a woman seeks to add value to her beloved in her own eyes,” explains Yana Leikina.
Uncertainty about love partner
The desire to rummage in the past of men may arise from the feeling that your relationship is not strong enough. “Perhaps this is an unconscious desire to break the bond in which you feel insecure. Having dug up something, you get an official reason to part, which you cannot always explain to yourself at a rational level, ”explains Marina Muravyeva.