How to build a relationship with the mother in law: we type our "second mother"

For family happiness, it is important not only to find a suitable partner, but also to improve relations with the main woman of his life - his mother. And the mother-in-law is rarely thrilled by the fact that her “boy was taken away by some girl”! How to withstand the difficult nature of the "second mother" without declaring war? We will understand together with a psychologist.

It's no secret that the most fierce family battles happen precisely between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. “It’s usually easier for mother-in-law to take a son-in-law into the family. For her, this means the appearance of another man in the house, and this is good. And the mother-in-law tends to remain the main woman in her son's life and therefore perceives the daughter-in-law more like a rival, ”the psychologist explains. Yana Leikina.

However, this does not mean that you need to join this game, rushing to win back your beloved from the mother. Remember: now this woman is an important member of your family that you have to reckon with. By the way, no wonder the very word "mother-in-law" means "all the blood", that is, the head of the family.

And in order to make it easier to find a common language with the “second mom,” look at her more closely, determine her psychological characteristics and decide what type of women she belongs to and what she wants from you.


Psychoanalysts call this type of woman a “phallic mom”, and the people say a “man in a skirt”, and it’s not hard to guess why. Such mother-in-law is accustomed to rely only on herself. She treats family members like little stupid children — she commands, reads moralizing, trying to impose her opinion by force. Well, any response aggression or criticism acts on it like a red rag on a bull.

What to do?

Distance. As Yana Leykina advises, the first thing that should be done is to immediately move away from such mother-in-law and minimize communication. “You shouldn’t spend long holidays or holidays visiting her,” the specialist recommends.

Become your own. “Such people have a clear separation between“ their own ”and“ strangers, ”the expert says. “Your task is to do everything possible so that the mother-in-law will take you into the ranks of your relatives.” As Yana Leikina notes, it is easy to get close with tyrants, if you find, for example, a common “enemy”.

Take the position of the child. In no case should this woman prove her right or openly oppose. On the contrary, pretend to be a little girl admiringly looking into the “second mother” in the eyes. Well, behind her do everything in its own way.

Find mother-in-law occupation. Record a tyrant on a foreign course or in a circle of Nordic walking. The more she is busy, the harder it will be to climb into someone else's life.

"The hen"

In principle, the hen is the same tyrant, only it torments the young spouses not by violence, but by hyperthreatment. A mother-in-law of this type will constantly worry about whether you feed her son well, whether he is warm enough and, in general, will she live in your bedroom so as not to miss anything important? With the advent of grandchildren, the hen will become even more active, because she wants it so much that she needs it!

What to do?

Press on pity. “Such a mother-in-law should be made to understand that she won, she is really better than you, and therefore she should show leniency to you,” notes Yana Leikina. For example, admit that she cooks borsch better than you, and with tears in your eyes, ask to teach you to do the same, and not that “Vasya will go to another.”

Ask for help. Daily fill up the mother-in-law with small requests and errands. Tired of this, she herself wants to run away to find at least some time for herself.

Find an object for love. As Yana Leykina emphasizes, in hen’s a ton of unrequited love, which means it’s worth finding an object to which they could direct it. “Register it on a dating site or toss a stray puppy, for example,” the expert says.

Watch the video: My In Laws Hate Me: 3 Easy Ways To Make Them Feel Different (February 2020).