Why are we so afraid of lonely life?
As a rule, the fear of being alone is one of the most powerful among women. First of all, social stereotypes are pressing us that a woman must be married by a certain age: this is a sure sign that she “needs someone”, and not just in vain tramples the earth. Secondly, even in a fairly mature age, women can never part with the infantile myth instilled in childhood: “everything will be bad until the prince arrives and turns my life into a fairy tale”.
The fear of loneliness results in the fact that unmarried women frantically search for a partner, clinging to any options instead of knowing themselves and developing. And married ladies often feel deep dissatisfaction with their marriage and partner, but they still cannot decide on a divorce and try their luck with someone else. “What if I don't meet anyone else?” They scare themselves.
Explains clinical psychologist Alice GalatiSimilar neurotic experiences are an excellent basis for building a patient, code-dependent relationship. “When we are sure that our happiness depends on someone else, we, on the one hand, automatically deny our own value, and on the other, hang all the responsibility for the success of the relationship to a partner. This logic of thinking makes a man omnipotent and super valuable, and turns a woman into a helpless, worthless sacrifice, ”the expert says.
According to the expert, because of such a monstrous distortion of roles, it is simply impossible to form light, harmonious, respectful relations. “And there is only one way out - regardless of fear, learn to be alone, cultivate your value as an individual, and not as an attachment to your husband. And then those men who need not psychological slaves, but equal partners will reach out to you, ”the psychologist summarizes.
Let us examine in more detail the benefit that a lack of privacy can bring if we can let go of our fears.
6 reasons to enjoy life alone
The opportunity to get to know yourself. “Very many women, being constantly in relationships, do not even know who they are, what they want, what they aspire to. This is especially noticeable among those who got married early: the identity of such women seems to be blurred, ”notes Alisa Galati. Accordingly, if now there is no regular partner in your life, then this is a great opportunity to look at yourself and understand: “Who am I?”, “What do I love and what do not?”, “What are my goals, dreams?” And t .d
More time for leisure and entertainment. As a rule, relations (especially if they are not quite prosperous) take away a lot of time and effort from us. And the resources to do something else, in addition to personal life, just does not remain. Loneliness is a good reason to start spending free time in a fun and interesting way. “In our society, it is customary to treat contemplating lonely people who are constantly busy working outside of work. They say about such people: “she tries to score free time, so as not to suffer from loneliness”. In fact, rich leisure is a unique opportunity to constantly develop, grow and, again, strengthen one’s identity. The main thing is that you yourself do not devalue your hobbies, ”the expert comments.
A wide circle of communication. If we are in a relationship, we often lose the incentive to look for some kind of communication outside the pair. “When we close on our loved one, an emotional stagnation occurs in the relationship, there is no influx of information from the outside and you are already bored with each other,” the expert notes. Life in solitude, on the contrary, constantly pushes us to an active social life - we maintain relationships with friends, we easily make new acquaintances, etc. “When we are in the midst of life events, we become interesting both to ourselves and others,” says the psychologist.
The freedom of action. Lack of a partner is also an inspiring freedom to do what you want, without having to look for compromises, adapt to someone or explain something. So, you can at any time go to travel through the taiga, move to live in another city, start ten cats or get carried away with raw food.
Responsibility for your life. As we know, the downside of freedom is responsibility. And you can also get a lot of pleasure from it, if you are a mature and independent person. “Being alone, only you are responsible for, for example, a good and productive weekend. Or so you always have enough money. And if something does not add up, then there is less temptation to blame someone else for this, ”Alisa Galati comments.
The development of a sense of self-worth. Another important bonus that you can get alone is the opportunity to start appreciating yourself just for what you are as you are. “The sense of self-worth gives us the very inner core, thanks to which we remain ourselves in a relationship, and not merge with a partner. Having developed this quality, you will no longer be able to cater to a toxic bond, ”explains the expert.
How to learn to enjoy life alone without anxiety?
According to the expert, the most important thing is to shift your focus of attention from the status of “one” / “with a man” to “who I am” and “what I want.” “First of all, you should decide on what you value and love yourself for. For example, you can make a list of those qualities, abilities that you like in yourself, as well as a list of your achievements. It will help you to appropriate your individuality to yourself, to realize it, ”the psychologist states.
Secondly, try to clearly and articulate your desires, global goals and those activities that bring you joy. “Start to realize your potential, do what you are interested in and gradually you will notice how much more interesting and valuable you have become for both yourself and others,” the expert notes.
When you learn to truly, sincerely rejoice in the society itself, you will definitely be able to build healthy, strong relationships. “And these relations will no longer be some kind of invaluable treasure to be held tightly, but just another area of your versatile, interesting life,” the expert says.